


Dirty Laundry

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Nights [22]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Bob - Freeform, Clothing, F/M, Gangs, Laundry, Vandalism, joker and harley in a happy relationship, roller skates, washing machine sex because washing machine sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 11:17:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18799288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker realizes none of his suits are clean





	Dirty Laundry

The sound of muttered cursing could be heard drifting from Joker’s and Harley’s bedroom, becoming progressively louder as the source of the muttering became more and more irritated. The muttering sound was followed by the loud crash of something being thrown against a wall and then Joker’s voice yelling in clear annoyance. 

“HAAAARLEEEEY!!! HARLEY!!” 

Harley was in their tiny kitchen in her panties and one of Joker’s green sleeping t-shirts; this one read across her breast “An Apple a Day Keeps Anyone Away if You Throw it Hard Enough.” She hummed happily to herself while she tried to make scrambled eggs. The toast had just popped from the toaster when she heard Joker, who sounded loud and irritated. 

“Puddin??! You okay?” Harley yelled back while she scraped the large mound of eggs onto a plate. She grabbed the toast with her fingertips, dropping it on the plates with the others she had already buttered, grabbed the butter knife and dipped it into the tub of butter that sat on the counter. She could hear Joker’s angry muttering and the sound of more things being thrown after she dropped the pan in the sink and grabbed two forks that she dropped into the pile of eggs and headed off to the bedroom. 

She walked into the bedroom and stopped in the doorway, her mouth dropping open. 

Joker had destroyed their bedroom. He had tossed blankets, pillows, socks, shoes, underwear, sleeping shirts and anything else he could find...everywhere. The closet, which was empty, had been flung open, hangers were on the floor, leaving only a precious few to still hang in the closet. Harley had just a second or two to really take in the situation when a shoe came flying by her to hit the side of the door just before she saw Joker down on his hands and knees. He was yanking things out from under the bed. 

Harley pouted, upset (and angry at the same time) that he had thrown something at her or at least in her general direction. “Puddin?!!” 

Joker started to sit back on his knees, his green hair a tangled riot of curls, but instead he hit his head on the bed frame. He cursed with colorful words before he glared at her. “HARLEY!! Where are my suits?! I can’t find anything that’s clean!!!” 

“Uh...hmm…” Harley looked shocked and a little more than upset that he was yelling at her after having thrown the shoe at her. “We haven’t taken anything to the cleaners in ages puddin, remember? Mr. Underwood died and the cleaner we used to go to closed after he died...ah...neither of us have any clean clothes.” Harley opened her eyes when she shrugged. “Sorry.” 

Joker blinked, green curly locks falling across his forehead. Harley thought he looked vulnerable. Then he frowned, looking confused. “Mr. Underwood died? How?” 

Harley shrugged, but there was fire in her eyes. She was still angry about the shoe and being yelled at, and her hold on the plate tightened as she fought the urge to throw it at him her voice tight. “Remember when the Prankster was running around Gotham messing with Batman and he was setting traps everywhere? Well, one of those traps killed Mr. Underwood. His family closed the cleaners after that.” 

Joker pouted, pointing at his chest with one hand, his fingers pressed against his breastbone, a little bit of a whine in his voice. “But Mr. Underwood was our dry cleaner!!” 

Seeing Joker confused, distressed and hurt, looking so adorably lost, made Harley’s temper dissipate. Harley set their breakfast plate down on the floor near the door and walked over to wrap her arms around Joker, pressing his face into her stomach and kissed him on the top of his green haired head. 

“I’m sorry puddin. Maybe we can find a new one?” She cooed to him, her voice soft as her fingers stroked over his hair. 

Joker wrapped his arms around her thighs, smiling as he relaxed against her, all of his tension easing when she wrapped her arms around him. He enjoyed having his nose pressed against her stomach, his earlier irritation forgotten as his hands caressed the back of her bare thighs. His long pale fingers slid up under her panties to cup her rear end. He squeezed, which earned him a giggle from Harley. Joker’s smile widened, and he closed his eyes while he pressed his face against her. 

“I suppose,” he murmured in a low tone against her stomach and then his stomach rumbled loud enough that Harley heard it. He smiled nibbling at her stomach where the shirt she wore rode up. Harley giggled, which only encouraged him. He pressed his perfect white teeth against her belly just enough to make her jerk, but not so hard as to hurt her. He licked her soft skin where he had bitten her before he said against her stomach.. “Did you make scrambled eggs? I thought I smelled eggs...” 

Harley smoothed back his crazy, green curls and nodded. “Yep, how about we eat, then go out dry cleaner shopping puddin?” 

Joker sighed and leaned back, resting his chin against her stomach; he squeezed her rear again. “Sorry about the shoe pumpkin.” 

Harley smiled down at him and her fingers caressed his jaw. “It’s fine. I’ll make you pay for it later.” 

Joker chuckled. “That’s my girl.” 

Harley wrinkled her nose playfully at him. 

* 

Joker stood in front of the full-length pink sparkly mirror with pictures of drag queens and My Little Pony images decorating the sides of the the mirror in Bob’s room, glaring at his reflection. He was wearing a suit, a simple black suit without a vest, a white dress shirt and red tie. The whole ensemble was at least three sizes too big and hung on his slender figure making him look like a little kid playing dress up in his father’s suit. The jacket and shirt cuffs hung past his wrists, the legs of the pants were a little short too, but because they were so baggy, the legs covered his shorts. He had a pair of his gloves on, but somehow the gloves made the suit look even bigger. 

“I look stupid,” Joker growled. “I look like David Byrne from Talking Heads.” 

Harley leaned out of the closet. “Who?” 

Joker groaned aloud. 

Frost, who was standing near the doorway to Bob’s bedroom dressed in a nearly identical suit (though his suit fit), sighed. “Sorry Boss, it’s all I got.” 

Joker sighed. “Someone kill me! I can’t go out like this! I look worse than Batman!!” 

Harley, still in her panties and Joker’s sleeping shirt, was standing in front of Bob’s closet looking through his clothing. She made a face when she saw a section of clothing, shoved to the far side of the closet. The unwanted clothing consisted of a pair of denim striped cut off shorts, a pink half top, some sort of jacket that looked as if it had been made from the remains of a glitter bomb with a bunch of strips of colored foil attached. Harley saw a gold, diamond patterned jumpsuit monstrosity, some red, white, and blue striped pants, and a long silver jacket with a bright, electric blue lining. Harley blinked at the outfits turning to look over at Bob who sat on his bed. 

Harley shook her head holding out one of the arms of the colorful foil striped jacket. “Why?” 

Bob hung his head and shrugged, looking ashamed. 

Harley sighed. “We really need to clean out your closet Bob.” She turned back toward the closet ignoring the ugly jacket when her eyes landed on something in the bottom of the closet. “Oh, here we go!” 

Harley pulled out a pair of white cotton shorts in a style that wouldn’t have been out of place in the 1970’s with red stars printed on them, and an elastic waist with a string tie. They would still be too big on her, but she could add a belt to kept them up. She pulled out a pair of tube socks with red stripes at the top and that would reach her knees, and a little half t-shirt in red that read in big block letters across the front “Gotham Knockers.” 

Harley pulled the shirt out, holding it against her breasts looking down at the shirt then back up at Bob. “Bob! Did you used to roller derby?!” 

Bob blushed, which made Harley squeal. “You did!! Can I wear this?” 

Bob nodded with a grin. Harley gasped as inspiration hit her. “I should wear my skates tonight puddin!!! I haven’t worn my roller skates in ages!!” 

Joker, who was still scowling at himself in the mirror waved a hand at her, not really paying attention. “Sure thing pumpkin, whatever you want.” 

Harley squealed with excitement and yanked Joker’s sleeping shirt over her head. Joker saw her in the mirror’s reflection, her breasts suddenly popping into view at the same time that Frost did. Frost’s eyes widened in dismay seeing Harley suddenly topless. 

Joker roared at the same time spinning around. “HARLEY!!” His head snapped to the side to glare at Frost as he yelled. “FROST!!!” 

Frost turned around so fast that he slammed his face into the doorframe in an effort to get out of the room, before stumbling out of the doorway holding his hands to his now bloody nose. 

Harley turned toward Joker, Bob’s borrowed t-shirt tangled on her head, her breasts out, and arms in the air. Joker rushed over and smacked his hands over her breasts. 

She yanked her head through the shirt and frowned at Joker in confusion. “What are you doing?” 

Joker sighed. “Harley dear…” He tried to be patient. “What have we discussed about undressing in front of Frost? Or any of the gang--besides Bob, of course.” 

Harley pouted. “We have sex in front of him all the time.” 

Joker sighed. “That’s different sweets, that’s me and you...you undressing is just you...do you want me to have to shoot Frost?” 

Harley’s bottom lips protruded further. “No.” 

“Then don’t take your clothes off in front of him Harls or I’ll have to, okay?” Joker spoke slowly as if speaking to a child. 

Harley stuck her tongue out at him. “Fine.” 

Joker smiled and gave her breasts a squeeze; there was no point wasting the opportunity since they were in his hands, nice and soft. Harley giggled and gave him a playful shove away from her so she could pull her top the rest of the way down. 

Joker smiled, watching her dress. He took delight in watching her pull the shorts up her shapely legs, followed by the socks. He smirked, pleased. Even in clothing too big for her (or in the case of the old shirt of Bob’s, too small...though he had to wonder if there was ever a time Bob could have fit into that shirt), she looked sexy. Once Harley was dressed, she squealed and rushed out of Bob’s room. “I’m gonna go get my skates!!” 

Joker glanced over at Bob. “She’s a handful isn’t she?” 

Bob smiled and nodded enthusiastically. 

* 

A few minutes later the four of them were in the car. Frost was behind the wheel, pulling away from the warehouse where they usually kept the car hidden, with Bob in the passenger seat beside him and Joker and Harley in the back seat. 

Harley had her skates on, a pair of old fashion lace up skates, one red, the other black. She had also added a red and black leather jacket of her own to her outfit. Joker frowned, his hands resting on his walking stick, a little annoyed. He watched Harley as she stretched her leg up, resting her skate on the back of Bob’s head rest and adjusted the ties of her skate. While he looked ridiculous in his borrowed suit, she still managed to look cute and sexy. He would be more annoyed if it was anyone else but Harley, because at least she was his girl. Now that he let himself relax and watch her, his eyes raking over her shapely leg, up to where the little half shirt she wore showed off her tummy and a sexy hint of her under breasts being exposed when she moved...his frown turned into a grin. He was very lucky indeed she was his girl. 

Harley smiled, dropped her leg down, and leaned over to take his face in her hands. 

“Oh now, don’t look so glum Mistah J. We have all our outfits in the truck and I’m sure we’ll find a nice dry cleaner who’ll be happy to be our new dry cleaner.” She grinned. “By tomorrow night at this time puddin, you’ll have all your suits back and looking just as handsome as ever...not that you don’t look handsome now…” she quickly added. “You do…” She giggled. “That suit is big enough I could crawl in there with you…” 

Joker whispered with a smile. “Oh, well, there is a good idea pumpkin.” 

Harley giggled and continued. “But you’ll be back in your good, fitted suits and in your happy color in no time puddin.” She squeezed his cheeks together making his red lips squish into a fish lips face before she kissed him. 

Joker smiled against her mouth. He reached out to grab her sides, feeling the soft warmth of her skin where her shirt and shorts didn’t meet, pulling her closer. 

“You are just going to have to keep me happy until then sweets,” Joker whispered giving her a smirk that made Harley feel all warm and bubbly. “A happy Joker is a less likely to murder people we actually like Joker.” 

“I can do that puddin.” Harley giggled crawling over the seat to straddle his lap. Joker snickered, his hands sliding along her legs and under her shorts. 

* 

Gotham Midnight Cleaners had been in Jakub Nowicki’s family for two generations before him. Before he inherited the business, it had been a regular dry cleaner shop: they didn’t stay open until midnight and only took care of dry cleaning, but Jakub was trying to start something new to bring in more money to keep the family business running, or else he might have to close it. He had started with adding an automated laundry mat to the dry cleaning business. He had bought the space next to his dry cleaning business, knocked out a wall and added twenty washers and twenty one dryers. That had worked for a while, bringing in some extra money, but now he was offering to let people drop off and pick up their dry cleaning until midnight. Of course, staying open until midnight was hard on him at his age, but so far, over these last few months, the midnight hours were helping keep his business afloat. In a city like Gotham, a midnight dry cleaner was a gift to some people. 

Except for tonight, which was a slow night. He had an hour to go before closing, a light rain was falling outside, and the air was chilly. Right now his only customers had been a handful of kids who had come in earlier to do their laundry. Jakub had watched the group of kids come in (a group of five between the ages of perhaps thirteen and sixteen) with a couple of baskets of dirty clothes. They had started their laundry, but then had begun to mess with the machines, (he knew the kids’ parents would leave them money to do the laundry, most of their parents worked the night shift in various places throughout Gotham) until he had threatened to tell their mothers (all of who lived nearby) if they didn’t stop. The kids had looked a bit shamefaced as they had left to go grab some snacks. He knew what they were after, trying to jiggle the machines for a few extra coins. Sometimes some kids (not these particular ones, but some others) came in here just to bust the machines up, messing around by putting bricks in the dryers or writing graffiti on the walls. It had been worse when the dry cleaning portion of the business closed early, but now that he was here until midnight, the vandalism had declined a little. Some of the worse kids still came and messed around, but at least he was here to stop them for part of the night. This last group were just some regular kids he has seen in here before, not bad, just being kids, but he still wasn’t going to let them accidently break his machines. Kids would be kids, and Gotham kids...well... Jakub had just picked his magazine back up, leaning on his elbows on the counter and began flipping through the pages when he heard the door jingle and saw the kids return. They were talking, joking, all of them with sodas and some junk food from the convenience store a few blocks away. He looked up to see one of them, Joey was his name, a little brown haired kid around thirteen with freckles whose mother was a waitress on the night shift and whose father had skipped out on them. Joey came over with an extra soda in his hand. 

“Thought you might like one Mr. Nowicki,” Joey said with a smile. 

Jakub looked at the other kids, all watching, smiles on their faces. Jakub nodded and said, “Thank you Joey.” He nodded to the others. “You guys can use the folding table to play your card games while you wait on your laundry.” He knew that was what they had been hoping for. There was a cheer as the boys all ran over to the table where patrons folded their laundry and started setting up for some card game that had to do with monsters; Jakub had no idea what it was about, but they seemed to like it. 

He had just returned his attention to his magazine when the bell over the door chimed again. Jakub looked up and sighed in frustration. Five young men came in, punks really, Jakub thought. 

He knew them all, had problems with them stealing, vandalism...They were a menace in the neighborhood. 

He knew they all had records for petty theft, drugs, and one of them, Coby, had actually gone to prison for beating up a homeless man outside the store. Each and every one of them was trouble. It wasn’t that long ago they had tried to hit him up for protection money. The only reason he hadn’t ended up getting beaten was because an off duty police officer had come in to do laundry. 

Jakub stood slowly, his hand going under the counter where he kept a baseball bat. He knew these five punks liked to carry weapons, knives or batons. The five young men walked over to the kids. All five of the young men were smoking even thought Jakub had a sign that read “No Smoking” on the wall. 

“Look at these little shits, Coby, playing fucking cards.” One of the five, the shortest of the group, a young man named Jamie, picked up some of the kids’ cards. The younger kids said nothing, and all of them looked nervous. 

The one named Coby laughed. “Bunch of babies, you should join our gang, get your balls to drop.” Coby laughed as did his friends. “Teach you kids some real games.” 

Jakub frowned, trying to draw Coby and his gang’s attention away from the kids. “What are you doing here?” 

The five of them made their way closer to Jakub with Coby in the lead. Coby could have been a handsome young man except for the nasty grin on his face and the flatness of his eyes. He was blonde, good looking, tall, but there was no heart in him. He was a selfish, cruel young man who cared about no one but himself. 

Coby grinned. “We thought we might see if you had changed your mind about paying us Mr. Nowicki. I mean, it would be a shame to see this place burned to the ground.” 

Jakub narrowed his eyes. “I ain’t paying you nothing Coby. I’m not afraid of you and your little gang of wannabe gangsters.” 

Coby laughed and rolled his shoulders, made them to crack loud enough Jakub heard it. He was a big kid too Jakub thought, muscled and strong; too bad he wasn’t smart enough not to be such a dupek. Jakub tightened his grip on his bat. 

Coby glared at Jakub, placing his hands on the counter using his height and flexing his muscles to try to intimidate Jakub. “Look old man, just pay us the money and we’ll…” 

That was the moment the chime over the door sounded again and a young woman came roller skating inside. Everyone stopped to stare at her. Her blonde hair was in pigtails and she was wearing short-shorts that were cinched tight at her waist, a tiny shirt that barely covered her breasts and showing a great deal of her stomach, and a leather jacket to complete her outfit. She rolled in, her hands in her jacket pockets while blowing large pink bubbles with her bubblegum. The pop the gum made echoed through the store. Everyone stopped to watch her as she spun around on her skates, blowing bubbles, doing a full circuit of the laundry area, only giving everyone a cursory look while she skated past. Jakub noted she was sexy--very sexy he noted with a small shake of his head--with her long legs, her stomach showing… 

She skated around again, doing a second circuit of the laundry, and this time she smiled at everyone, making eye contact as she spun around and skated backwards then spun around again gracefully on her roller skates. 

Coby and his gang watched her. Jakub could almost see the lust in their eyes as the young woman spun in a circle and stopped. She wasn’t paying any attention to the young men, but instead she addressed Jakub. 

“Hey mister, how good of a dry cleaner are you?” She popped a bubble and smiled. 

Jakub was a little taken aback by her question, but he answered truthfully. “I think I’m pretty good. This busy has been in my family for a couple of generations. Uh...can I help you with something?” He watched her, not sure, but there was something about her that looked slightly familiar. 

She smiled, gracefully hopped up onto one of the washers, and crossed her legs. She winked at the table of little boys who were situated at the folding table next to the washer she had hopped up on before she spoke. 

“You think you can do a lot of clothing tonight?” She blew a pink bubble with a grin. 

Jakub glanced over at Coby and his gang who were still staring at the young woman. 

“I close in less than an hour…” he replied, but the young woman smiled. “We’ll pay you overtime--my puddin needs his suits tonight and we’re looking for a new dry cleaner. Our last one died.” 

She frowned as she chewed her gum. “It was really tragic and my puddin is all upset, plus we don’t have any clean clothes now. So, if we like you, my puddin and I wanna hire you. You know, regular and all.” 

Jakub blinked in surprise. He opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Coby, who began to walk over to her. Jakub noted that the young man moved with the self-assurance of someone who thought he was good with the ladies, and who was used to getting his way all the time. 

“Hey sexy, instead of wasting time talking to this old fart, why don’t you come hang with us? Me and my boys here can show you a really good time.” Coby leered at her. 

Harley frowned at him, blew a round pink bubble, then popped it. “Shouldn’t you be home in bed? Ain’t it a school night or something? Your mother must be worried sick.” 

That caused the younger boys to snicker. Harley leaned back on the washer and grinned at the younger boys and winked again, but Coby wasn’t done. He walked over to her, his goons behind him. 

Harley hopped off the washer. Coby reached out and grabbed her by her upper arm and yanked her toward him. Harley rolled into him, but she put her hands up to slam her palms against his chest, stopping him from pulling her close. 

Coby just smiled. He was used to women playing hard to get with him, but they always came around. “Look baby, I’m serious--you can have a really good time with us.” Coby put his other hand on her hip, leering at her in a way that Harley figured he thought was sexy as he tried to pull her up against him. 

Harley narrowed her eyes at him with a glance down at where he was touching her, then back to his face. “You wanna lose your hands...boy?” She put a special emphasis on the word boy to lett Coby know that she thought little of him. At the same time, her voice had a pleasant ring to it, as if she were just on the verge of laughing, but there was a low undercurrent of threat that made Coby wonder if he had just made a mistake. 

Coby started to answer when the door chimes jingled and everyone turned to look toward the sound just as a man with green hair in a suit far too big for him (the ill fitting suit more than the hair, grabbed Jakub’s attention), wearing a pair of round purple tinted sunglasses, and holding a walking stick waltzed in. He was followed by another man in a similar suit (though Jakub noted this one fit the man) and a large, bald man in a white shirt, jogging pants, and white trainers with a white tutu around his waist trimmed with pink flowers that matched a headband he wore around his bald head, also white, with a pink accent flower. 

The man began speaking as soon as he walked through the door. 

“Harley, what’s taking so…” 

Joker stopped and tilted his head to the side. His blue eyes darted from Harley to the man who had his hands on her. 

Joker’s voice took on a growl and lower tone as he said. “What’s going on pumpkin?” 

Harley yanked away from Coby, giving the young man a hard smack in the chest that made her roll backwards before she spun around and skated over to Joker. 

Harley pointed over her shoulder with her thumb. “This asshole was trying to convince me to go party with him and his friends,” Harley said with a frown. She spun in a circle next to Joker before stopping and putting her arm around Joker’s arm and stuck her tongue out at Coby. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Coby gestured with his hand at Joker and the others. “You think you’re some sort of Joker impersonator?” 

Joker blinked several times as if he were having a difficult time processing Coby’s words. “What did you just call me?” 

Coby grinned with confidence. “You’re a Joker wannabe, motherfucker.” 

Joker blinked in surprise before a broad smile curled his lips. “What you do with your mother is your business.” 

The kids at the table snickered, while Joker and Harley laughed almost hysterically while they hung on to each other, Jakub’s knuckles were turning white as he held his bat under the counter, ready to leap into action if needed, he hadn’t recognized the young woman, only that something about her was vaguely familiar, but as soon as Joker stepped into his shop Jakub’s blood had drained from his expression. He knew who the Joker was--everyone in Gotham knew--and the fact that Coby was being stupid enough to think that this man wasn’t the real Joker just went to show how stupid and arrogant the young man was. Jakub wasn’t sure if he would defend the kid against Joker or not. He wasn’t sure that he even could. 

Coby seemed confused for a moment before he decided to be angry. “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are…” 

Joker and Harley gasped in unison. 

Joker giggled. “You kiss your mother with that mouth?” 

Harley snickered. “I don’t know puddin...he said motherfucker…” 

Joker looked shocked. “Harley, really!” 

Harley giggled, pushing away from Joker to roll smoothly toward Coby and his little gang. She skated around them, her hands back in the pockets of her jacket. 

“So puddin, whatcha want do with these imbeciles?” 

Joker tapped his chin with his gloved finger. “Well pumpkin, I don’t know. I think it might be a good idea to teach them a lesson...but...I’m feeling both generous and I’m just entirely too uncomfortable in this suit to enjoy a good killing...so just a lesson.” He glanced over seeming to notice the group of much younger boys playing cards. 

Joker laughed with pleasure. “Oh look!! Cards!!” He walked over and sat on the corner of the table. “I simply adore cards!” 

The kids stared at Joker who picked up one of their cards and frowned as he examined it. “Okay, I have no idea what this is…” He tossed the card back down, but kept his smile in place. “All right young gentlemen, this is going to be an object lesson for you; teach you not to mess with the Joker and his girl. But more importantly, don’t be an asshole.” Joker nodded. “Not being an asshole is a very, very important lesson.” He chuckled pushing himself to his feet, the kids watching him with wide eyes. 

Frost and Bob had remained by the door, playing guard to make certain no one walked into the shop while Joker and Harley were here; the two men both exchanged a look. Frost looked resigned that Joker and Harley were going to do something--he had no idea what, but he knew it was going to be something. He could only hope it wasn’t as violent as usual since there were children here. (Joker had never laid a hand on anyone under the age of eighteen before. He wasn’t sure if that was a rule the clown went by or even if Joker realized he was making such exceptions, but so far he had seen the Boss go out of his way not to harm a kid.) Bob looked to be enjoying himself. The big man had a happy smile on his face, his cheeks rosy and his eyes bright. 

Frost sighed, turning his attention back on the room to see what Joker and Harley planned to do. 

Joker strolled closer to the gang of young men, chuckling while he walked. The younger boys still stared at Joker with perfectly round eyes, their mouths slightly open. Harley continued to skate circles around the older boys, blowing bubbles and popping her gum with a grin on her lips. Coby’s gang members looked confused and the first signs of fear began to show in their faces. 

They were accustomed to simple intimidation scaring people into backing down. They were not used to someone laughing at them. 

Joker gave a broad, toothy smile as he gave Coby a once over. “You know, you’re a stressed young man, not enough smiles in your life...that must be why you’re going bald like that.” Joker tsked. “Really, such thin hair at your age...yikes.” He giggled and winked at Harley who snickered. 

Coby became angrier as he felt himself losing control of the situation. “Look, you fucking clown, this is my turf, I make the rules, I make the laws here, and people pay me and my boys not to beat the shit out of them. You’re gonna pay or you’ll be eating my fist!” Coby went so far as to slam his fist into his open palm. 

Harley stopped her circling to hop up on the washer again, grinning as she popped her gum. “You really are stupid, aren’t you?” Harley chewed her gum, giving Coby a once over again with her eyes. 

Coby snarled. “I ain’t stupid, ya dirty cunt.” 

Harley chuckled. “Oh yeah, you are.” 

Joker walked over to Coby with his hand out, hooking his cane over his forearm. “Ah, now come on, why can’t we all be friends?” He glanced over his shoulder at Harley. “Play nice pumpkin.” 

He turned his ice blue eyes on Coby again, his hand still extended. “How about a truce?” Joker chuckled and wiggled his fingers. “Come on.” 

Coby glared at Joker’s extended hand. 

Joker wiggled his fingers again. “Go on, take it...or...” Joker lifted a green brow with a smirk. “... are you afraid?” 

Coby snarled. “I ain’t afraid of some old man in lipstick and a wig!” 

Joker’s smile moved across his face in a way that made Jakub, who was watching the exchange while a bead of sweat ran down his back, shudder. There was something creepy about the Joker’s grin. The smile showed his perfect white teeth, and the clown’s blue eyes twinkled. Harley watched, her excitement made the air feel charged. Jakub squeezed his bat more for assurance than the fact he could do much against the Joker and Harley Quinn, and waited to see exactly how ignorant Coby, who had grown up in Gotham, really was. 

Coby grabbed Joker’s hand in a hard grasp, clearly trying to show off his strength as he tried to yank the clown forward. Joker stumbled a step as Coby yanked the clown toward him, but Jakub could see that Coby hadn’t actually pulled the clown, Joker was messing with the kid. 

At the same time that their hands met and Coby yanked on Joker’s hand, there was a sharp zap sound like an electrical discharge. The air was filled with a sharp smell of ozone followed by Coby’s entire body stiffening. His teeth snapped together and his hair began to frizz in what Jakub thought was a cartoonish way. A strange sound came from him as Joker stepped closer and grabbed the young man’s hand with his other hand, trapping Coby’s hand between Joker’s gloved hands in a vice-like grip, and delivering another shock. 

Coby jerked, his body going tight like a spring pulled taut. Joker held on tightly watching the younger man’s reaction with a grin. 

Harley began to laugh while popping her gum; the sounds of her wheels hitting the washer made a hollow, tinny sound. “Hahaha!! Get’em puddin!!!” 

Joker laughed, glancing over at Harley before he turned back to Coby. “I don’t think the kid knows how to properly shake hands pumpkin.” 

The younger kids at the table with their cards stared, not sure if they should be amused or horrified, though they all began to smile. Joey and the rest had all been victims of Coby’s cruelty and watching the older kid get some payback was nice...at least as far as Joey was concerned; he had been on the receiving in of Coby’s fist more times than not and he hated the older boy with a passion. 

Joker chuckled and let go of Coby’s hand. The moment he did, Coby jerked back, and the young tough’s bladder released. 

Joker snickered glancing over at Harley with a mischievous grin. “Well...that was a shock!” 

He and Harley burst out into peals of laughter. 

Coby stumbled backwards. One of his gang, a young man named Pike with a pathetic blue mohawk that flopped to the side in stringy, unwashed strands, caught Coby before he fell to the floor. 

Jamie looked pale as he watched Pike holding up Coby--who looked weird, holding his arms to his chest like he was trying to curl into himself. It pissed Jamie off to see Coby like that. Coby was the leader and a leader should never look weak. That’s what Coby had taught him. He pulled out a knife from the side of his belt, his mud colored eyes darting over to Joker, his cheeks becoming flush with anger. 

“That wasn’t funny man!” 

Joker looked shocked. “It wasn’t?” He glanced over to Harley. “Harley dear, did you think that wasn’t funny? Am I losing my edge, my sweet?” 

Harley swung her legs and the wheels of her skates clunked against the empty washer making metallic, hollow sounds as she popped a bubble. “I thought it was hilarious puddin. Everything you do is funny!” She gave him a sweet smile. “You’ll never lose your edge Mistah J.” 

Joker grinned at her giving a saucy wink. “You’re my biggest fan Harls.” 

Harley winked back. “You know it Mistah J!” 

Jamie held his knife in an inexpert grip, but he thought he looked threatening enough. The other members of their little gang pulled back, continuing to hold Coby who seemed to be improving; he at least wasn’t holding his arms against his chest. 

Joker shook his head with a downward slant at the corners of his lips, picking his cane up off his arm. He twisted the cane between his fingers like a baton. “Now little man, do you really think you are ready to play those kind of games?” Joker grinned. “I don’t think you are darling, not by a long shot.” 

Jamie tried to circle Joker. His friends moved further out of the way, nearly backing up against Jakub’s counter. 

“I mean, if you want to take this to the next level, I’m more than happy to oblige.” Joker chuckled, the deep tone conveying nothing humorous at all. 

Jamie looked back at his friends, asking for support. One of them, a short young man named Benny with a smooth shaved head and a tattoo that ran across the side of his head to wrap around to the other side, shook his head with wide eyes, while Pike just stared between Jamie and Coby, who was drooling. 

Jamie turned his attention back to Joker. “I ain’t afraid of some old clown.” 

Joker chuckled, but the laugh was sinister. “Boy, that is going to be the worst mistake you ever make.” 

Jamie panicked and lunged, hoping to catch Joker with a stab to the abdomen. 

Joker easily danced out of the young man’s way. He moved, sliding one shoe against the floor in a graceful semicircle, dragging it around with the grace of Fred Astaire, letting Jamie stumble past him. He let the young man turn around, Jamie’s face so contorted with rage that he was practically spitting when he hissed. 

“You fucker!” 

Joker laughed. “Only Harley darling, only Harley.” 

Jamie took a step forward, ready to try again to stab Joker, but this time Joker grasped his cane with both hands and swung low. The cane head, which was a gold, elongated handle with a grinning face, impacted with Jamie’s knee cap. The impact and following crack echoed over the quiet hum of the laundry machines. 

Jamie collapsed in a heap, dropped his knife which skittered under a washer, and grabbed his knee. 

The young man wailed, “You broke it!!” 

Joker swung his cane around with an elegant flair before he dropped into a crouch by Jamie, keeping his hands wrapped around his cane. “I did tell you that you weren’t ready for the big leagues little man, didn’t I?” He glanced at Harley. “Didn’t I sweets?” 

Harley nodded with a solemn expression as she popped her gum. “You did puddin, you did.” 

Joker nodded, giving Harley a flirtatious wink before he turned his attention back to the groaning Jamie. “Now, I’m going to be nice here and let you and your friends go. I figure you’re young and stupid, so I’m going to give you a chance to learn from this lesson, but if you cross me or Harley again, a shock and a broken kneecap are going be like gentle caresses compared to what we’ll do then. That will be when we’ll have some real grown up fun.” He used the handle of his cane to life Jamie’s chin, forcing the young man to look at him. “Do we understand each other?” 

Jamie nodded between gasps, tears starting to flow down his cheeks. 

Joker stood while at the same time Harley jumped down from her perch on the washer to skate over to him and into his arms with a squeak of pleasure. 

Joker chuckled happily, wrapping his arms around her. He gave her a playful peck on the lips before he continued. “Now, I’m going to give you to ‘til the count of…” He frowned his eyes glancing toward the ceiling in through. “Mm...let’s say thirty seconds to vacate the property before Harley and I start playing games with higher stakes.” 

The three able-bodied of the gang grabbed the two that weren’t and moved so quickly that Joker gave Harley a look that communicated how impressed he was with their speed. 

Within seconds, the gang of miscreants were gone. 

Joker sighed with a crooked smile. “Well, that was actually fun! What did you think Harley?” 

Harley was skating around the room. “I think that first one was lucky he only got a sock and didn’t leave here speaking in a higher pitch.” She glared at the door. “No one calls me ‘cunt’ and lives.” 

Joker caught her as she skated by and pulled her into his arms.. Harley giggled before she melted into his embrace when Joker’s lips met hers in a soft kiss,. 

He pulled back just enough to rub his pointed nose against hers. “Sorry Harls, I was feeling magnanimous...and I don’t feel good enough in this awful suit to do any proper killing and maiming.” 

“I’m so sorry puddin.” Harley rubbed her nose against his before she gave him a peck on the lips. 

Joker smiled before turning his attention to Jakub. “All right my fine sir. You do drying cleaning.” 

Jakub kept his grip on his hidden bat as he nodded. “I do.” 

Joker walked over, pulling Harley along on her skates. “How would you feel about an arrangement? I find myself in need of a dry cleaner. I don’t usually like to pay for services because really, it’s not in my character, but a good dry cleaner is hard to come by and my suits are precious to me. And I can pay you handsomely. Basically I can keep you on retainer, you clean my suits...and Harley’s. Are you good at getting blood stains out, by the way?” Joker leaned forward and asked. 

Jakub nodded without uttering a word and Joker continued. “....and we pay you...or rather Frost pays you and we also make sure no one robs you...or if they do, we get revenge for you.” He chuckled. “I’ll put one of my guys on your shop, keep you safe, deliver your pay once a month…” 

Jakub frowned. “What happened to the last dry cleaner?” 

“Oh, that wasn't us!” Harley shook her head vehemently. “That was the Prankster. He accidently killed our dry cleaner with one of his stupid pranks. Cross my heart.” Harley crossed her chest with her finger at the same time she popped a bubble. 

“How much?” Jakub asked with narrowed eyes. 

Joker laughed. “Oh I like you--right to business. How does a thousand dollars a month sound? Plus extra for those hard to get out stains...” 

Jakub glanced over at the kids who hadn’t said a word or moved. They all nodded as one. 

Jakub smiled, released his grip on his bat, and put his hand out. “You got a deal Mr. Joker.” Then he yanked his hand back, remembering the electric shock hand buzzer. 

Joker laughed. “Oh yes, I like you already.” He made a show of taking the buzzer off and put his hand out again. “So what’s your name?” 

“Just call me Jakub,” the dry cleaner said shaking the clown’s hand. 

Joker laughed. “Jakub it is.” 

He turned and yelled. “Bob, go get the clothes!!!” 

Bob flounced out of the shop to the chime of the door’s overhead bell only to return a few moments later with a large cloth bag that filled his arms to capacity. 

Jakub’s eyes bugged when he saw the bulging bag filled to the rim with clothes. “When do you want this done by?” 

Joker batted his eyelashes at Jakub. “Think you could get a few done tonight?” 

Jakub took a deep breath. “Yes.” 

Joker grinned, giving Harley a squeeze. “Yeah!!! Soon I won’t be in an ugly suit anymore!!” 

Joker and Harley slid out of Bob’s way as he brought the laundry over and dropped it on the counter in from of Jakub who muttered. “Well, at least I’ll be busy.” 

Joker took both of Harley’s hands, pulling her out to where there was more room for her to skate. He began to walk in a circle, pulling Harley along. “So sweets, what shall we do for fun in the meantime?” 

Harley giggled. “Anything you want puddin.” 

Joker pulled her closer before he dropped her hands, one arm slipping around her waist, the other taking her hand. He began to lead her in a dance, moving his feet like he was wearing tap shoes, and swinging their joined hands down while he moved gracefully, crossing his legs slightly and tapping the toe of his shoe against the floor. Harley did the same on her skates, both of them moving perfectly together despite her roller skates and him just wearing regular oxfords. 

They laughed, with Joker letting go of her waist and rolled her out from him, his fingers holding hers fingers as if afraid to let her go completely. Joey watched, mesmerized as the two of them did a couple of little tap dance steps with Harley’s roller skates hitting the floor with a loud tap while Joker followed. His shoes made a much softer sounds,but it was hard to tell that he wasn't on skates either, as the clown moved as if he were wearing skates, flowing along with Harley with the same ease he would have had if he were on skates. They looked as if they were gliding and Joey imagined that they could only be more graceful if they could fly. 

Joker pulled Harley close again, one arm around her waist while he took her hand, kissing her knuckles first before together they started to spin, turning in circles, with Harley flowing on her skates and Joker having no issue at all with keeping up with her. 

Joker chuckled, his red lips curved upward in a smile that was only for Harley. His blue eyes danced with merriment, his hold on her both firm and gentle. “I do love dancing with you Harls, my partner in all things.” 

Harley rubbed her nose against his with a bright smile, her hand on his back squeezed against the material of his suit. (He felt lost in the suit, Harley thought, there was so much of it!) 

“Always puddin,” Harley cooed, her eyes never leaving his face. 

He tugged her with him, spinning around in a quick series of circles until he had her back to one of the washers that was running. Joker grabbed Harley around her waist and lifted her up in a surprising show of strength for such a slender man, placing her on the washer before he grabbed her knees and forced her legs apart, stepping into the welcoming space. 

Harley giggled and draped her arms around his shoulders. 

The washer rumbled under her, creating a tickling vibration that worked through her entire body. 

Joker reached down between them, his nimble fingers began to pull at the knot in the tie that held her shorts in place. 

“I just thought of something else we could do,” Joker whispered low and deep, leaning forward to brush his lips against the side of her mouth before he dropped his eyes to follow the plucking of his fingers pulling at the ties of her shorts. “Something that is a whole lot more fun.” 

Harley giggled taking soft nips at his lips while at the same time she grabbed his dress shirt and jacket to begin pulling them over his head. Since all of the clothing was too big, it easily came up. 

“Mmm...I do like the way your mind works puddin.” Harley’s voice was soft, lusty, and full of innuendo as she tugged his shirt from his pants, pulling the entire top half of his clothing up, her nose wrinkled in concentration. 

Harley leaned back and tugged on the top half of Joker’s far too big outfit, taking the entirety of the upper portion of Joker’s outfit off, the dress shirt, jacket and tie, all came up over his head easily. Harley giggled with delight once she had the clothing off of him and tossed them to the floor, her hands reaching out like she was a person dying of thirst having found a oasis. Her fingertips touched his milk white skin and a shudder ran through her. Her smile was both mischievous and seductive. 

Joker blinked, standing between her legs, now shirtless, his green hair a mess from having the clothing yanked over his head, but with a smile on his face. Harley caught her bottom lip with her teeth as her hands moved over his chest, caressing his pale skin, creating a field of goosebumps on the surface of his chest. She licked her lips and purred. 

“Mmm...Mama likes.” 

Joker giggled ,rubbing his hands along her thighs, his fingers sliding under the edge of her shorts; he squeezed her soft skin, but otherwise said nothing. 

Her hands wandered lower, tickling the soft skin of his stomach, caressing any scars her fingers brushed across, her smile widening as she watched his muscles contract, followed by Joker’s soft hiss of pleasure. 

Harley glanced up from her visual devouring of his chest and stomach. The look on Joker’s face, the way his eyes were partly open, the blue of his eyes glowing behind his dark lashes watching her. Harley squirmed on the washer as a flood of warmth rushed through her. Her eyes were feverishly bright and a deep hunger made her mouth water and her groin ache pleasantly. She wanted him, wanted him so much. At the same time she stared into his passionate gaze, Harley ran the tips of her fingers down his torso, over the lean muscles of his stomach, sliding lower until her fingers caressed the line of his stomach just over the top of his slacks. She could feel his erection, a bound hardness in his slacks, heat coming off of his trapped member. Harley slid one hand down, cupping her puddin through both the slacks and his boxers that she knew he wore underneath and squeezed gently. Joker thrust his hips and groaned in response. Harley smiled and continued to gently knead his groin with one hand while with the other she began to work his belt free. Her fingers were nimble; she could work the buckle one handed without looking while she continued a slow kneading of his erection. 

Harley purred once more. “Mmm, my...puddin…” 

The belt fell loose. Harley let go of the mound of his erection just long enough to let the too big slacks fall to his ankles leaving him in only a pair of yellow and green polka dots boxers, socks, and shoes. 

Harley grinned and wasted no time before she was cupping him again, her other hand sliding under the band of his boxers to grab a handful of his rear. 

Joker chuckled, leaning into her touch as his hands rested on either side of her thighs. He leaned into the washer and kissed her at the same time gently thrusting into the tender massage of her hand. 

The kiss was a slow, passionate swirl of tongues with Joker leaning heavily into Harley who moved her hands from his rear and crotch to run her hands up his bare sides, over his chest in a sensual caress before her hands went around to his back. Her fingers slid up into green hair at the same time she crossed her skates behind his hips. 

Joker’s hands dropped once more to her shorts, pulling the string that held them to her loose. Harley lifted her hips allowing Joker to yanked her shorts down. The shorts fell down over her knees at the same time that Harley dropped her skates from his waist which was all the shorts needed to let gravity drop them to the floor. 

Joker growled, grasping her now bare hips and pulling her to the edge of the washer. His hands moved up her sides as his mouth moved over hers. Harley’s kisses, the stroke of her tongue against his, anytime she touched him fed his lust. His hands moved further up, pushing her shirt up over her breasts... 

The young boys at the table stared at the clowns kissing, stripping, but there was a gathered gasp as they all saw their first pair of real breasts not found in one of the magazines that Leshawn had pilfered from his father’s collection. 

Bob had moved over to stand with them earlier, the kids eagerly sharing and explaining their cards to the big, tutu wearing man until they had all become distracted with the make-out session occurring on the washer. 

Bob glanced over at Joker and Harley when the boys had stopped showing off their cards. He smiled, watching his Boss and Harley making out heavily, which was a common enough sight for Bob, but the big man frowned with a glance over at the kids. As Harley’s breasts were freed from the shirt she wore, Bob’s hands shot out, covering the eyes of the two boys nearest him. Both boys grabbed his hands and yanked them down. 

Joker squeezed Harley’s breasts, pressing them up while dipping his head down to run his tongue over the hard pink of her nipples. 

Harley gasped, leaning back on the washer while Joker ran his warm, wet tongue against her hard nipples. She moaned loud enough for everyone to hear. 

Frost swallowed with a shake of his head and went over to the kids. “All right, fellas. That’s enough of a show for you boys. You lot head home. I’ll make sure your laundry gets done and delivered home...out.” 

The group of kids all moaned their displeasure while at the same time moving as slow as possible in gathering up their cards while trying to lean over to look past Frost and Bob at Joker and Harley. 

Joey whispered loudly. “He is gonna…” 

Lashawn nodded. “I think so…” 

Mikron hissed. “Hey, if I become a criminal do I get a girlfriend like that?” 

Another one of the boys named Diego frowned. “Man, this is better than that sex ed class we all had to take.” 

There was a general agreement among the boys that in fact this was better than sex education, but Frost still showed them all out of the laundry mat with instruction from Bob to see them all home. 

The boys yelled goodbye, continuing to try to get a peek at what Joker and Harley were doing as Bob ushered them away. Frost sighed in relief once they were out. He glanced over to the back where Jakub was, but if the old man knew what was going on he gave no indication, absorbed in his work. 

* 

Joker had no idea what Frost and Bob were doing as he growled again, sucking on one of Harley’s breasts, his tongue playing havoc with her senstive nipple while the fingertip of his index finger gently rolled over the nipple of her other breast. Harley moaned, her grip on the washer tightening. A tickle, so intense that she was at a loss to find a word on how to describe it, started in her groin and spread, oozing like molasses through her entire body, causing the tickling ache in her groin to burn and spread until she thought she would go mad. 

“Puddin...uh…” She moaned again. The washer’s surface squealed and creaked as she moved against the cool metal surface. 

Joker smiled against her skin, switching breasts with a whispered. “Not yet sweets, you need to be wetter.” 

Harley caught her bottom lip between her teeth and groaned, her brow furrowing. Joker licked her nipple, coating the sensitive pink flesh with his saliva before he blew a cool breath across her. Harley jerked. The warmth of his tongue followed by the slight chill made her shudder; her moaning carried with it a desperate need. Joker grinned, reveling in her reaction while his erection throbbed with unspent desire. He gently bit down on her nipple while the fingers of his other hand squeezed her other nipple at the same time. 

Harley nearly came up off the washer as a hot rush of pleasure burst like a water balloon. She came with an almost agonized moan, and her legs around his waist squeezed hard. It was an orgasm, but it was more of a teasing one, and her clitoris hurt, needing him to touch her, and her body ached more, needing to feel him inside her. But he was being as bastard, she thought feeling his smile against the softness of her breast, his breath hot against her nipple when he lowered his mouth down on her and sucked. 

She groaned with pleasure. “You jerk!” 

Joker laughed and flicked her other nipple with his fingers in response. 

Harley dropped her legs, her skates hitting against the washer with a clatter. 

Joker smiled, biting gently around her breasts while his fingers caressed her other nipple. His groin ached and he wanted to be inside her, but he waited just a few more seconds, teasing her, teasing them both until he simply couldn’t wait any longer. 

Joker released her breasts and reached down to shove his boxers out of the way before he grabbed her hips and yanked her to the edge of the washer. He held in her in place with one hand before he thrust himself inside of her, guiding himself into with his other hand before he grabbed her hips and thrust deep and hard, burying himself inside her as deep as possible. 

Harley cried out in happy surprise, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, her hands going tno his hair where she grabbed a handful of the silky softness that was his hair. 

Joker grunted as he thrust into Harley in hard, quick thrusts that caused her skates to bang loudly against the washer, which continued to rumble, spinning the clothing inside. 

Harley adjusted her hold, wrapping her legs around his waist. She groaned, her mouth attacking his throat as she forced his head back by pulling his hair, exposing his pale neck to her. She dragged the flat of her tongue against his skin as he thrust, their bodies slapping together. 

The washer began to make loud noises, a hard metal thump as Joker and Harley’s fucking knocked the washer’s load out of balance, but that didn’t stop them. Joker held Harley tight, thrusting up into her, rising up on his toes. His mouth caught her lips, kissing her while his fingers pressed into her hips. 

Harley cradled his head in her hands, returning his kisses desperately as if their bodies being connected wasn’t enough. She bit at his lips and tongue, yanking her legs tight, pulling him closer, mewling with pleasure when he brushed against her clitoris until she couldn’t take any more. Her orgasm began low, a burn so deep that it started at her center before it burst, like a star going supernova in a hot explosion. She groaned and let out a loud squeal of pleasure, pressing her forehead to his, her body tightening, clamping tight around him before she melted, relaxing for the span of a heartbeat, only to tense again as his continued thrusts caused miniquakes through her body, the pleasure deep and satisfying. 

Joker held her tight, pulling her closer, giving one more hard thrust before he was made weak, but the burst of sensation that washed over him was a hot flash of blinding erotic pleasure that made his knees wobble for a moment. 

Harley kissed him when he came, wrapping her arms around his head, her kiss both passionate and filled with a love that ran so deep it was painful to her. Joker wrapped his arms around her holding her tight as he made several quick deep thrusts into her, his body moving without him really being in control for a few seconds, emptying himself into her until he nearly fell forward, his entire body, that had been taunt moments before, was suddenly cut free like a puppet from it’s strings. 

They held each other as their heavy breathing came under control. Joker had his head resting against Harley’s throat, his arms tight around her, but the washer was beginning to act like a bucking bronco trying to free itself from the wall. 

Joker laughed and lifted Harley up to shuffle over to the next machine, which was quiet. 

Joker grinned at Harley. “I think we broke it.” 

Harley giggled holding onto him. “I think we did puddin.” 

That was the moment Jakub called out. “Okay, I have one of your suits ready and one of her….” 

He stopped and stared to see a naked Joker, with pants and boxers around his ankles and a naked Harley, her t-shirt up over her breasts, on one of his washers, the one next to them was rattling like crazy, like an animal trying to escape. The boys were--thankfully--long gone. He noticed Frost standing in the doorway, facing out on the street. 

Jakub gasped. “What the hell happened?” 

Joker and Harley both looked over at Jakub at the same time. 

Joker grinned while chewing Harley’s gum. “Oops?” He said followed by blowing a large pink bubble 

Harley giggled. 

Frost hurried over to Jakub with a long suffering sigh. “We’ll get you a new one…” He leaned close and whispered to Jakub. “You might as well get use to it now--they are always like this.” 

Jakub frowned, followed by a muttered, “What have I got myself into…” 

Frost smiled. “I ask myself that all the time.”


End file.
